Don't Fear Change. It's Time to Finally Join the Dance
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." This striking advice from philosopher Alan Watts often feels counter-intuitive, doesn't it? When we stand at the threshold of a significant life transition, our first instinct is to do the opposite. We want to understand it first. We stand on the edge of the pool, dipping a toe in, wanting to know the water’s exact temperature, depth, and current before we jump. We try to map out the entire next chapter of our lives—whether it's navigating a professional pivot, preparing for retirement, or adapting to the profound shift of an empty nest. We analyze, we plan, and we wait, believing that clarity must come before we take action. But Watts suggests this is a futile effort. He insists that clarity isn't a prerequisite for action; it is the result of it.
The Wisdom of the Current
Watts’ metaphor of change as a "dance" is a powerful reframe. We often treat change as an adversary to be defeated or a problem to be solved. Watts sees it as a partner, a rhythm, a flow. To "make sense" of it, you cannot stand on the sidelines and observe. You must step onto the floor.
"Plunging in" doesn't mean being reckless; it means choosing engagement over observation. When you're redefining your identity after a decades-long career, you cannot think your way into a new sense of purpose. You "plunge in" by trying a new hobby, taking a class, or volunteering. You "move with it" by showing up, being curious, and paying attention to what enlivens you. This is how you build your adaptive capacity. By resisting the "dance," we create tension and friction. By "moving with it," we learn the steps. We find our footing in the motion.
This approach builds a profound form of inner strength. It’s the resilience that comes from trusting your ability to navigate the process of change, rather than needing to control the outcome. When you're embracing a new city, you can’t "make sense" of your new life from your unpacked boxes. You find your new favorite coffee shop by trying one. You build a community by introducing yourself. The "sense" you're looking for is found in the lived experience, not in the pre-packaged plan.
Your Toolkit for the Dance
Stepping onto the dance floor when the music is unfamiliar requires courage. Here are two actionable strategies, grounded in psychological research, to help you "plunge in" and find your flow.
1. Harness Behavioral Activation
When facing a major transition, it's common to wait until we feel motivated, confident, or clear before we act. Behavioral Activation, a powerful concept with roots in cognitive psychology, flips this script. It posits that action precedes motivation. We don't wait for the feeling to act; we act to generate the feeling. The "plunge" doesn't have to be a high dive; it can be a small, intentional step that breaks the inertia. This is especially useful when the "what's next" feels overwhelmingly vague, like in early retirement or after a relationship shift.
Actionable Step: Identify one part of your transition that feels stuck. Now, brainstorm the smallest possible action you could take related to it—so small it feels almost insignificant. If you're exploring a new career, don't commit to a certification; just set a 15-minute timer to read one article about the industry. If you're building a new social life, don't force yourself to go to a party; just text one acquaintance and ask for that coffee. The goal is not to solve the puzzle, but simply to "join the dance" with one single step. Motion creates clarity.
2. Practice Radical Acceptance
The phrases "move with it" and "join the dance" are impossible if you are actively fighting reality. We waste so much energy wishing things were different—that the job hadn't been eliminated, that the kids hadn't moved out, that the relocation wasn't necessary. Radical Acceptance, a core concept from psychologist Marsha Linehan's work, is the key to stopping this fight. It's not about liking the change. It's about fully and completely acknowledging the reality of the situation, without judgment or resistance. You cannot "dance" with a partner you're pretending isn't there. By accepting "what is," you free up all the energy you were using to resist, and you can now channel it into "what's next."
Actionable Step: When you feel yourself fighting your new reality, pause. Take a deep breath and consciously drop the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts." Acknowledge the facts of the situation, out loud or in a journal. For example: "I accept that my role as a hands-on parent is changing." "I accept that my former career is over." "I accept that I am in a new city where I don't know anyone." This act of non-judgmental acceptance is the "plunge." It immediately stops the struggle and allows you to ask the most powerful next question: "So, given this reality, what is one thing I can do now to move forward?"
Finding Your Rhythm
"Joining the dance" is a brave, new movement. It can feel disorienting at first, and it’s natural to feel like you're out of step. Learning a new rhythm—whether it's the pace of retirement, the hustle of a new career, or the quiet of an empty home—is a process.
It’s often easier to find your footing when you have a supportive partner to hold the space for you. This is the heart of coaching: a shared, collaborative journey. It’s not about someone else leading the dance, but about having a dedicated thinking partner to act as a mirror, helping you see your own progress, stay balanced, and find the clarity and confidence that only come from being in motion.
Your Invitation to Move
The clarity you are seeking for your next chapter is not waiting for you on the sidelines. It is not hidden in a five-year plan or in the perfect analysis. According to Watts, it is found only in the "plunge," in the "moving with," and in the messy, beautiful, liberating act of "joining the dance." The only way to make sense of your new life is to start living it.
Your Invitation to Reflect: What is one area of your life where you have been standing on the edge, waiting to "make sense" of it before you act? What is one small "plunge" you can take this week to "join the dance"? We invite you to journal on this or share your insights in the comments below.
